The business of lying

Shortly after the wife got pregnant I sat down to watch a documentary called "The Business of Being Born," a film designed to make you believe that hospital births are detrimental to the health and well being of women and children and home births are the best solution, all under the guise of "promoting choice." After I watched it I sat and pondered with the wife about where exactly we would be giving birth, and she quickly said she wanted to be at a hospital as it seems safer. This last sentence will make home birth advocate's blood vessel burst, but that's OK.

The movie was effective with it's propaganda, as it did make me question the logic of having a child in a hospital, however fleeting that moment was. It even goes into conspiracy theories about the medical industry, which was amusing at best, dishonest at worst. It reminded me of a Glenn Beck show, where he spews all kinds of mis-information, and when called on it he claims he's just asking questions, as if those inquiries aren't part of promoting a political agenda. Clever as they may be, it's still dishonest as it is disturbing.

Now home birth advocates have a lot in common with homeopaths in that their arguments for their use of medicine are almost exactly the same. Let's list a few shall we?

1. Big pharma is corrupt and would rather keep you sick than heal you, especially when they reject what I believe is sound science. - This argument is appalling to me, as they drag peoples' names through the mud for no reason other than to hock their reasoning. It's like they believe that there are a bunch of overweight men sitting in a room smoking cigars they light with 100 dollar bills thinking up ways to get rich while helping you die, and convince all medical practitioners to get in on it. Plus they have absolutely no evidence for any of this to exist.
2. I've done my research, and clearly my choice is the safest one. - This is bogus, especially in the case of home birth advocates, because as we now know, home birth deaths are clearly on the rise and the rates are higher than hospitals. And these numbers don't account for deaths that occur when patients transfer from the home to hospital. You've drawn what you believe is a logical conclusion well before you decided to research, and you've stubbornly refused to accept anything that points otherwise, data be damned.
3. OBGYNs just want to perform c-sections, and will force you into one. - Again with dragging peoples' names through the mud. It's as if they think doctor's are wringing their hands together forcing mothers to have major surgery so they could go play golf or something. This probably doesn't need to be stated, but no doctor can force anyone to do something. You are the customer and can refuse any treatment. Most doctors would not want to perform c-sections, as it's risky. My wife's OBGYN asked us to steer clear of c-sections, as she wasn't a fan of the procedure. Most are performed nowadays are because the women choose it, whether they want to save the aesthetics of their nethers or just have no interest in, or scared of, labor. But hey, you're all about choice right?
4. For most of history, humans didn't have hospitals and we survived as a species. - Yes, humans also didn't have vaccines against polio, or have the luxury of modern science, which has doubled our life expectancy. I mean if we really want to go all earthy and natural, why not cave births?
5. Europe has a lot of home births, and they have a lower infant mortality rate than the US. - While this is true, Europe, unlike the US, requires mid-wives and the like to a) complete almost as much education and training as an OBGYN and b) register with their respective governments and c) are normally required to continue their education. The US hasn't caught up with them, and in some states you don't have to register at all.
6. If something goes wrong, we can simply call an ambulance or transfer to a hospital on our own. - Sure you could, but why take that risk? In a medical emergency, seconds can mean the difference between life and death. Sure the odds are low that something fatal will occur, but shouldn't parents be most concerned with the safety of their child?
7. Home birthing is cheaper. - It certainly is, but like anything, you also get what you pay for.
8. I know many people who've chose home births and everything was fine. - Your anecdotes aren't data. Never have been, never will.
9. I want to experience the miracle of birth naturally. - You can do that in a hospital and if something goes wrong you can experience the miracle of modern medicine. Plus, before modern prenatal procedures, your chances at living were about 1:100, as opposed to now being 11:100000. Nature is not as it is portrayed in a Disney animated film, it can and will kill you whenever it gets the chance.

I mean no disrespect to people who choose home births, as the reasons they do may be numerous. Some are feeling the financial pinch of adding a new member to the family and feel this is an appropriate solution to that. It's the disinformation by advocates that I find appalling, especially when lives are at stake. There is no reason to believe that a home birth is any safer than a hospital one, plain and simple. While deaths in either scenario are unlikely, people who are having a difficult time choosing what is best for their situation shouldn't be lied to.

I sometimes think that parents automatically think they're right about everything when it comes to child rearing the minute they get pregnant, or they try to make you believe they do to cover up that fact that they're completely clueless. Believing that you're on the side of the good fighting the evils of big business and the FDA is empowering and has the effect of making you feel smarter than you really are. We could all humble ourselves and accept a healthy dose of skepticism even, and especially, when it comes to our own beliefs.

"And while journalists interviewed midwives and obstetricians, not a single one thought to interview a pediatrician or a neonatologist to determine whether the people who actually care for babies think about the dangers of homebirth to babies." - Dr. Amy Tuteur, The Skeptical OB

Cry It Out?

As Kenadie is almost 2 months old, we have read that this is the time that their little brains are growing so fast that they are beginning to start developing  sleep habits.  We are afraid that Kenadie has already started with some that are not positive.  She doesn’t like to be put down to sleep.  She wants to be held all the time.  As much as I would love to hold her and keep her a baby forever, I know that she needs to develop healthy sleep habits and Erik and I would like some sound slumber as well.  I know there are several parents who think that co sleeping is ok.  We have resulted to doing that only a few times for just an hour or so if she wouldn’t settle down.  Not to mention it is dangerous in my opinion with as sleep deprived as we both are and I fear blankets getting too close to her face.  I don’t think that is a good idea and I never get sound sleep when I have had to do that.  The other method that people talk about is the “Cry It Out” method.  This was developed by a pediatrician, Dr. Richard Ferber. This is a very controversial topic. I have learned that people look down on you if you so choose to try this method, just like it is the same if you don’t breastfeed. I also read a study that letting your infant cry for long periods of time can make them loose brain cells and that is not a good thing for their fast growing brains. Erik and I really don’t want to try the “Cry It Out” method unless that is the LAST resort. I can’t stand to hear her cry longer than a few minutes. It breaks my heart, so I am hoping that it doesn’t come down to that. Last night we tried soothing her for a couple of minutes until her eye lids started getting heavy and then put her down. She would then, do the typical Kenadie thing and immediately wake up and be ready to play. She stayed like that for a while and then she would get fussy and we would give her the “paci” and comfort her and then put her back down to try and learn to soothe herself. She was happy and content for the most part and finally fell asleep after about an hour by herself without having to be rocked or held to go to sleep! HALLELUJAH, let’s hope that this isn’t a fluke and that this easy and wonderful behavior will continue. I like this sleep method! Happy Baby = Happy Parents.

The dreaded day

Sunday, January 29, 2012 is a sad day for me as a new mother. This is the day that I have dreaded since giving birth 7 weeks ago. The day that I go back to work and have to leave my little angel for the first time. Over the past week, I have cried and mentally prepared myself for this day. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but it was harder than I ever thought it would be. As a mom, my biggest fear is that Kenadie will feel like I have left her or don’t care about her, when that in fact is farthest from the truth. I want her to always know that I am here for her and ALWAYS will be and will never stop loving her for as long as I live. I just want to be the perfect mom, which I know is impossible, no one is perfect and I will screw up and hopefully learn from my mistakes. I want to be the parent who raises my children, but in this world with the cost of living just increasing, I have to work and rely on “It takes a Village” to help raise my child. The good news is that I am truly blessed with a wonderful family. Kenadie will spend time with Erik and my mother on the days that I have to work. Who better could I ever ask for, her father and grandmother. There is no doubt that she will be in the best hands possible, people that love her more than life itself. Last night, I got everything packed up and ready for the next day. I went to bed at 8:30p.m. and Erik was wonderful and stayed up with Kenadie to feed her and to put her to sleep for me while I got some much needed sleep. Kenadie finally went down around 11p.m. and slept until 3:45a.m. My alarm was set to go off at 4:15a.m. it worked out perfectly. I fed her and got ready for work and was ready to head out the door @ 5:15a.m. This was the time that I was trying to prepare myself for. The first time to leave my baby. I shed a couple of tears as I held her tight and hugged and kissed her. I handed her over to Erik and told her to be a good girl and enjoy having Daddy time today. It was hard, very hard, but I managed to keep quite calm. The best thing was knowing that she was safe in Daddy’s arms and that he would NEVER let anything happen to her under his care, so I was able to go to work knowing that she would be ok. Now, I just can’t wait for the 10 hour day to go by as fast as possible so I can see my Kenadie. The best thing is as I am typing this, Erik surprised me and brought Kenadie up here to see me. I have the best husband ever!

Slumber, it's not for parents anymore.

Hey folks, husband here with some tales for those who have yet to experience having a child.

When my wife was pregnant I started to feel some sleep deprivation. She was up frequently with runs to the bathroom, some food cravings, or feeling the aches and pains of carrying a child in her stomach. I would often wake, if only for a few seconds, then back into slumber I went. I would arise in the morning feeling less than well rested, but still useful to varying degrees.

Given all that went on with sleep in the third trimester I assumed that it would prepare me for the massive sleep deprivation that would ensue when having an infant in the home. I was never more wrong in my entire life.

Parents warned me about how I would never sleep after Kenadie was born, but I would shrug such doomsday predictions off, thinking I could handle it swimmingly. Arrogance got the better of me when the sudden realization that a full eight hours of sleep would be months, if not years, away.

The wife and I scrambled to find a solution to Kenadie not wanting to allow us some sleep. We tried everything from night time rituals, music, and various products with questionable evidence if they actually work. After about a month we came to the horrific realization that we were at the mercy of our infant, and she would sleep on her own schedule, and there's was little to nothing we could do about it.

People have attempted to give us advice on what to do when a baby decides to be a night owl, but I seriously wonder if they actually had any success, or if they were just trying to make us think they were the best parents since the Nelsons. It's humbling to think that you can't outsmart a person who has the memory span of maybe twenty four hours, but such is parenting.

My baby loves some attention, as some nights I can rock her gently to sleep pretty easily, but the second I put her down she's as wired as a meth addict and as cranky as Ted Nugent at a vegan restaurant. She's my daughter and I'm happy to give her any and all attention needed, but I sometimes wonder what this lack of sleep is doing to my brain. The moment when feeding time arises I wake up and break to the kitchen to make a bottle, but if my wife requests something else I forget half the time what it was she wanted by the time I exit the bedroom. I sometimes wonder if I'll end up leaving the house without pants if this continues.

"A man is not complete until he has seen the baby he has made." - Sammy Davis, Jr.

The most amazing day of our lives, husband edition, part 2

Hey folks, husband here with part 2 of chronicling the event of our daughters birth. I got to hold Kenadie in my arms for a bit, but as I looked over at the wife I could feel a twinge of jealousy from her. Not in any mean sense, but she was ready to have the baby in her arms after carrying her in her belly for nine months. I handed the baby to her and watched her enjoy her mom time.

After a bit I walked to the family waiting room and announced we had a healthy baby girl, wiping away the tears I had from earlier. Yes, me, the pinnacle of masculinity cried a bit as I watched my daughter enter the world. The family took note and came with me to the room to see their new relative for the first time.

The baby was passed around more times than a case of herpes in high school. Everyone got their infant fix and happiness filled the room. After much celebration the family decided to go home and get some much needed rest. The nurses took us to the nursing station and had Kelly press a button. The hospital PA echoed with a lullaby. They do that every time a baby is born.

We were escorted to our post-partum room and they took Kenadie to the nursery. Some time passed and I went to watch my daughter's first bath. The nurse opened my child's diaper, and before me I saw the messiest diaper in the history of Pampers. The nurse used what seemed like a hundred wipes, and I was about to recommend a pressure washer.

The way the nurse handled my infant was amazing as she didn't seem to be that gentle, but I had to remind myself that baby's bones are basically rubber and they're a resilient lot. I didn't punch the lady, but it still made my nerves rattle a bit.

After the bath the nurse stated she would swing by with the wee one when feeding time commenced. I made my way back to my room to see my wife sitting on the floor with the nurses yelling her name. She came to, but then collapsed again. The nurses gave her smelling salts and I panicked a bit. The fact that she was up for over 24 hours with no food exhausted her to the point of passing right out. She was fine though as the nurses helped her into her bed and she got some much needed rest.

I sat down in my recliner, fired up the computer, and gave the online world an update on the baby. Soon the nurse brought in Kenadie for a feeding, and after Kelly was done I decided to try my hand at changing a diaper. I've done it before, but when it's your own kid you try to be as thorough as possible, which resulted in my trying to use the force and hover her over the dirty diaper as I clean her. My jedi skills were lacking though.

I got to hold Kenadie in my arms for a bit and we sat down and watched "Annie" together, which was far more fun that it sounds. It was my first time really bonding with my child over casual activity, and I imagined myself taking her to plays and such and watching her light up over musical theatre.

The nurses then came and took her again and I tried to sleep, which was futile as two hours later we were awoke again for another feeding. This went on all day, as visitors came and went, food being delivered, and many runs to get crackers and soda for the wife ensued, all ensuring slumber was elusive.

The following day the wife and I were set to go home, away from the security of trained professionals and take full responsibility for the care of our child. I packed up the car and a nurse stated that they were worried about me as they noticed me walking around the hospital looking like death. Nothing says sleep deprivation as being in a hospital.

We load the baby into my wife's car and head home. We take her into the house and set her down and take a look at our little loved one. After a nice moment wore off the wife and I looked at each other and said "now what?"

"A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again." - Enid Bagnold

The most amazing day of our lives, husband edition.

Hey folks, husband here with a different, but in many ways the same perspective on the birth of our child. As the wife indicated in the previous post, she was going to a regularly scheduled doctor's appointment with my mother in-law and I was to stay at home and work. The girls planned on having lunch afterwards and I was looking forward to the possibility of them bringing me something to eat.

I was on a conference call for a meeting I was running and my phone rang. It was my mother in-law, but being busy I sent it to voice mail. Then a text arrived from the wife stating that her water broke and it was time for childbirth.

"Jumping Jesus," I cried out. "I'm going to be a daddy. I gotta go." The others on the call ordered me to hang up on them and get my ass to the hospital. This was around 11 am.

I called my wife and she sounded happier than I've ever heard her before. She asked that I grab some last minute items and hurry over to the hospital. I took a quick shower, got dressed, scrambled around the house, double and triple checking that I had everything, loaded it into my wife's car, and drove like I was part of the Andretti family to the Centennial Medical Center.

I arrived and gathered belongings and made my way to my wife's room. She was sitting up with a pleasant look and seemed excited about the upcoming event. I take note of the environment we were in, and made sure I was aware of the surroundings. I made a mental image of where everything was going to happen and tried to prepare myself for my first child.

Hours go by and visitors came and went. Finally after much discussion, the wife decided an epidural was in order. The anesthesiologist appeared and discussed the process with alarming detail. We were told all that could go right and wrong, and even got a little chemistry lesson. He urged me not to look at her back while he's injecting the needle, as he assumed I would pass out. He told me how many fathers go limp when they see a syringe the size of a javelin in her spine. I took his advice as he repeated the warning multiple times.

The wife hunched over and the doctor did his thing. Sadly the needle went too far into her spine, so the labor pains were gone, but she got a terrible headache and had some back spasms. It was so bad the nurse had to come into the room every half hour or so to turn her to a more comfortable position.

The hours went by and I realized this will go well into the night, if not the early morning. Family started to arrive and I prepared them that if they stay there will be no sleep for anyone involved, which turned out to be true. The wife's headaches and back spasms got worse and we were moving her with more frequency.

I did little errands such as grabbing ice and popsicles, the only nourishment she was allowed, as I drank enough coffee that would normally kill a horse. The wife, her friend, my sister in-law, and my mother in-law all speculated on her dilation and kept trying to guess when exactly the baby would arrive. This discussion went on for what seemed like forever, until the nurse finally came in and checked the wife. She wasn't near ready just yet.

A few hours roll by and more discussion between the ladies ensued about my wife's cervix. The wife was still uncomfortable do to her epidural side effects, but thankfully the nurse checked her again and decided it was time to have a baby.

Now during the childbirth class the instructor informed the men how the days of pacing and chain smoking in a waiting room while the wife gives birth are over and that we'll be required to be a coach to our better halves during the process. In my mind I pictured me holding the wife's hand and giving breathing cues, just like in the movies, but nothing could be further from reality.

Two nurses came in and kicked out everyone but my mother in-law and myself. They prepared for the pushing and ordered my in-law and I to grab one of my wife's legs and push it up against her, which proved to be a nice little workout. The nurses monitored her contractions, told her to push, told us to start pushing her legs and coax her into pushing harder, wash, rinse, repeat.

One of the nurses decided it would be a great idea to start a tug of war. She grabbed a bed sheet and tied a knot in each end and threw one to the wife while the nurse grabbed the other. A contraction hit and they tugged for a bit, then the nurse stated she was too old to be doing this and threw her end of the sheet to me.

Ye gods I was to be tugging on this? I'm stronger than my wife, so I imagined my wife letting go and sending me flying into medical equipment behind me with scalpels and what not being lodged into my throat, but thankfully this did not transpire.

This was the first time I was about to see my daughter's exit point. Now I was always worried how I would react to see my wife's nethers being stretched to the point that may seem almost inhuman. Would I pass out? Would I run out of the room screaming gibberish and pouring liquid soap into my eyes?

Actually it wasn't bad at all. I knew what to expect and knowing that I was about to see my daughter for the first time really made every aspect of this experience wonderful. As I was informed earlier, the technology behind child birth really hasn't changed in forty years, so everything was going normally. That being said my nerves really started to get the better of me, and this is where my wife and I differ. A mother only worries about the safety and health of her child during birth, whereas a father worries about both the mother and baby. The terror of the small possibility of losing them both was starting to rattle me, even though the probability was slim to none, it still made me want to steal some medical morphine and inject it under my tongue.

Finally we could see the top of my daughter's head. The nurses called the doctor at the unholy hour of 3:30 am. We waited for the doctor to arrive and I sat there wondering how my baby's head was doing. The OBGYN finally came into the room and prepared for the delivery. The wife pushed a bit more and the doctor turned my daughters head and pulled her out.

It was then my nerves peaked. My daughter's not saying anything. Is that normal? What the hell was she doing to my baby girl? Should she twist her head like that? Do I have to punch someone? Finally Kenadie took her first breath and cried her first cry. A rush of adrenaline went through me and I felt higher than Keith Richards ever could attain.

Kenadie wasn't exactly camera ready at that point, as she was covered in dark liquids and looked all alien like. They placed her on my wife's belly and cleaned her up, then took her and cleaned her some more and checked vitals and what not.

The adrenaline finally wore off and I got to take in all that was happening with a somewhat sound mind. My baby was finally here after so much waiting. She was healthy and beautiful. My wife was happier than she'd ever been in her life. The nurses handed my little girl to me and I got to hold her for the first time. I looked at my wife and realized how lucky a man I am. I've never been more proud of her.

I looked down at my little baby and saw some traits that she got from me, which was surreal, but amazing at the same time. She was now our little baby, and we're no responsible for her health and welfare.

To be continued....

"On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars." - Bruce Willis

The most amazing day of our lives!

December 9, 2011 was the most amazing day of my life! 

The last trimester was pretty rough for me as I was extremely tired, had horrible heartburn, could barely breathe and it took so much energy to roll over in bed it was exhausting. I was counting down the days until I could deliver my sweet angel into this world, so I could have my body back and get out of bed with more ease.  I loved being pregnant don't get me wrong, but by the end, I was wanting to get her here already.  I had no patience, what is new right?  haha  It all started Thurs December 8th at a routine doctors appointment @ 10:00a.m. I was 38 weeks pregnant.  My mother wanted to go with me since we were going to go eat lunch and have a girls day after the appointment.  We were anxious to see if I had progressed more and to see if we were one step closer to meeting our little one. I remember saying that it would be nice if the doctor just sent us to Labor and Delivery after the appointment to get the party started, while I knew that wouldn't happen, it was still nice to dream since I was so uncomfortable.  While mom and I went to the doctors appointment, Erik was working from home and was in the middle of conference calls.

I went in the exam room to see Dr. Elliott and she did her exam and accidentally broke my water!  O... M...G...  It took me a couple of seconds to realize what had happened and that I hadn't just peed on myself.  Thank goodness, that would have been mildly uncomfortable and embarrassing.  I was so excited, I looked at my mom and said, " My, my water just broke, we are going to have a baby!"  I couldn't wait to call Erik and let him know that he was about to be a daddy!  I called Erik and he didn't answer since he was in meetings, so I text him and told him that my water broke and he was going to be a daddy and to come to the hospital right away.  He later told me that he interrupted the meeting by saying, " Jumping Jesus, I am going to be a dad, I gotta go!"  Erik scrambled to get the last minute belongings and rushed to the hospital to meet his little girl. 

They took me to Labor and Delivery and got me all hooked up to IV's and such.  After a couple of hours, I decided that an epidural was in order and asked to meet my best friend and hero, the anesthesiologist.  They sent him in and he took his sweet time administering the epidural, he ended up going too far and hit spinal fluid and that resulted in a spinal headache and back and neck spasms.  The labor pains were gone, but the epidural issues were horrible.  This resulted in the nurse having to turn me over every 30 mins, since I couldn't feel ANYTHING and couldn't move.  My poor nurse..  After 17 1/2 hours of labor, it was the wee hours of the morning on December 9, 201. They called Dr. Elliott at home and she came up to the hospital to safely bring our precious bundle into this world healthy and happy.  We were all exhausted, but were on a high like we have never experienced in our life. We are totally in love,  we were parents!  I can't believe I am a Mommy and Erik is a Daddy. The most amazing title and job we will ever have. What a special blessing from God! I hear people say it, but now I know it is so true.  I never thought I could love something so much!  Thank you to all our family and friends that were there at the hospital that night to meet little Kenadie and welcome her to this world with open arms.  I will never forget it!  God is truly Amazing..

Kenadie Fae Wilson
December 9, 2011 3:59 a.m. cst
6 lbs 15 oz 19 3/4 inches long

The last leg..

Hey folks, Husband here with tales of child rearing from a male point of view. As most of you are aware the wife and I were pregnant and gave birth to a healthy baby girl, but there's so much to tell about the trials and triumphs of pregnancy to childbirth. While pregnancy was no picnic, I shall chronicle the things I miss about it:

1. Sleep: The third trimester was kind of a chore when it came to sleeping sound as the wife was up multiple times relieving herself, but I could get a full eight hours of sleep, where now I'm lucky to get four.
2. Eating whatever the hell you want: When you have a pregnant wife you must get her the food she's craving if you're interested in peace. That gives you an excuse to eat till your heart's content, because no woman wants to see their man consume a low calorie salad while they eat waffles covered in bacon syrup.
3. Watching your wife enjoy a fine meal: When you have a pregnant wife, watching her eat the food she's craving is akin to seeing a child open their Christmas presents. Rarely will she look more happy.
4. Playing video games/reading/watching moves the wife hates: When the wife was pregnant, she would like to sleep as much as humanly possible. This left me with all kinds of time to play some games, read books, and/or watch films she has no interest in seeing. Now that I have a baby my first priority is to get sleep whenever possible, hobbies and entertainment be damned.
5. The ability to leave the house in a timely fashion: When the wife was pregnant, going somewhere wasn't much of a chore. Now that we're parents we have to double and triple check each and every item we will be bringing with us, because leaving an important item at home could prove disastrous.
6. Working from home: Before when I worked from home and was on a conference call, the only interruptions I really had to worry about were my dogs. Now I have a baby crying whenever she wants something, on top of dogs who choose to bark at their own shadows.

"I am not finding pregnancy much of a joy. I am afraid of childbirth, but I am afraid I can't find a way of avoiding it." - Brigitte Bardot